When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
