I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
