i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize