Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
