the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
