I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
