I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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