I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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