so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
