Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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