Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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