My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
