Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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