I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize