I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
