Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
