so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
