dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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