Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
