Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
