Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
