If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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