Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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