I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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