Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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