My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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