where am i from again
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
