The maid of honor just puked.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
