I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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