I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
