so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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