You're a womanizer and a bitch.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
