he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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