I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
