i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize