his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
