as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Randomize
