i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I fill condoms, not promises.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
