Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
