Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize