so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
