You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
