he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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