I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
two words: eviction party
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
