plz talk dirty to me
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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