My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Randomize
