I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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