I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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