whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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