I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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