dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
