So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
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