if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
