I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Randomize
