I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
