guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
