good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
