Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
