Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Randomize