please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
