Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize