Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
