sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
