i think i have herpe
just one?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
