I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
