There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
