my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
