I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
