I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
