I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
