THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you have to choose: penises or morals?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
