i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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