Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
