We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
