ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
