So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
