she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
