So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
