So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
