Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize