eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
