thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
