i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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